There are a lot of things I am trying to process right now. Stuff that need to be dealt with. Feelings that I thought were dead or non-existent but were hibernating in my heart all along.
One big revelation for me this holiday season is that I've been looking to particular people to fulfill needs that now I realize only God can fulfill. I didn't think this was so until I prayed to God to heal me of my brokenness and asked Him to let any unforgiven hurts surface. I was in for a surprise because the very next day - it came out like I stepped on a mine.
I never realized how high a wall I built around me just to keep myself from being hurt but I ended up making decisions that were completely wrong because the walls were so high I could not see where I was going.
If you're reading this, none of this might make sense to you. But I guess although I need for this to be just between me and God, I also need to express in writing all of these things I am going through.
The great thing about going through times like this is that because I know now what's hurt me, I can also forgive.